Grading Myself

In the grand scheme of things, I am a good nurse. 

I know this as surely as I know that the sun is shining and my balcony door is open.  I know this as much as I know that cardizem will lower heart rates but to watch the blood pressure… as surely as I know that I don't want to be the nurse giving ambien to anyone over 65 for the first time… as much as I know that regardless of what their oxygen saturation is putting a patient on oxygen will instantly make them feel better because it is something medical being done…

I had the same patients for 3 nights in a row.  I laughed with them, took them on walks in the hallway.  Called 2 doctors on 2 patients all 3 nights… blood sugar high. hemoglobin low.

Had a dude with a splenic infarct… think a heart attack in the spleen.  It is interesting having to worry about strokes and heart attacks and blood clots all at once… the doctor was convinced he was going to throw a clot from the dead spleen, we just didn't know where that clot would land.

I got floated on my last night.  Night 4, all of my patients were still here and they floated me to my least favorite place.  I think the time has come for me to stop being so nice and agreeing to do things I don’t want to do.  I need to talk to my boss about it…

I filled out the skills checklist for a couple of the traveling companies I am looking into working with, and then yesterday ended up talking to one of them… she said I didn’t do very good.  What?  Apparently I scored myself a 2.6/4.  She said you can usually tell the good nurses because they are honest… it is the people with a perfect 4 she worries about.  I think I took the test as a brutal self assessment of my skills, and now I need to take it again as  a selling myself to potential employers test.  I am a tad worried about the other skills list I filled out, though… haven’t talked to that recruiter yet.

I am a good nurse.  I know this as surely as I know that sometimes you don’t need haldol to calm down the slightly confused/agitated post stroke with expressive aphasia(aka can’t make sense with his words…), you just need to sit with him and hold his hand while he falls asleep.

As much as I know that sometimes a short walk in the hallway can make a patient totally depressed about his health smile again… look, I am getting better!

As truly as I know that sometimes (not always) giving 5 blood pressure medications at once is a stupid idea, as surely as i know that very few doctors care about anything not directly related to imminent death in the middle of the night, as much as I know that as a nurse it is my job to occasionally call doctors about things not related to imminent death because my number 1 job is to be an advocate for my patient.

I still fail fairly often at IVs.  I still ask questions. and more questions.  I still occasionally let my bags of Amiodarone run out, and avoid going into a patient’s room cause they give me the creeps. 

But still, I am a  good nurse.  I just don’t know how you put a grade on that…