the next step in the journey

(3:20. I have been asleep for 5.5hr, and am now wide awake. this is not a good thing.)

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I didn’t want to make the phone call. I wanted to sit down face to face and have a conversation.  But… sometimes the reality of night shift is that I don’t know when my boss works, and I sure can’t wait at the hospital for her.

I am scared. nervous. sad.  anxious.  excited.  conflicted.

I told her I had been trying to find her to talk to her, she asked if I wanted to come in. I say no… I have got to go to bed soon.

The words come out of my mouth.  she doesn’t like them.  really?  Oh… that makes me so sad.  Family reasons, I tell her.  I love my job, I love the people.

You won’t get to help us move to the new building. I know.  I was looking forward to it. 

This happened really fast.  They called the day after I put in my app. I am assuming you don’t need a reference since you got the job without it.

(I got hired without them calling a single reference of mine)

I think you should be a charge nurse. I will definitely give you a reference for that.  Thanks… but seeing as how it is an ICU I think it will take me a bit to get there.  Oh, true.

If you ever want to come back, just let me know.

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I just quit a job I like to start a new job 3 days later… a job that I wasn’t entirely sold and that I am not going to be as good at as I am now (at least for a while.) A job where I know and like all the people for a job where I know no one. A town where all my friends live for a town where my family is.

It is the right choice. I don’t doubt that (at least not for more than a minute at a time.)

But a scary choice.

My brain has been spinning about what decision to make for so long that now that it has been made… one job accepted, one job quit… I don’t know how to handle the stillness.

Someday I am going to learn not to second-guess my every decision.

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Here is to the next step in the journey of life. 

It will be interesting to see what happens.

 

(3:40.  going back to bed now.)