My night to music

I am tired. Behind on charting. I have a manic patient, or an overdose patient, or a withdrawal patient. Confused people. Overweight people. Husbands who refuse to leave because they can't be apart from their spouse.

There is always music running through my brain. Usually the last song I heard before I get out of my car. Sometimes a random song. A song played on a commercial in a room.

I had my zune on shuffle. A song pulled up... one I haven't listened to a lot. I got it to put on a playlist for my BIL.


I had visions, I was in them,
I was looking into the mirror
To see a little bit clearer
The rottenness and evil in me


it gets put on pause. the earbud comes out of my ear and I go tell the OD patient she can't have more morphine.

I'm not sick, but I'm not well
and I'm so hot 'cause I'm in hell


I have had a lot more BHAC patients lately. Manic. Depressed. They take patience.One lady sat at my desk for so long I finally walked her to her room and went and charted on the other side of the unit.

Put me in the hospital for nerves
And then they had to commit me
You told them all I was crazy
They cut off my legs now I'm an amputee,

Lots of middle age women stressed about life going through menopause have chest pain. stereotypical? I have repeatedly stated that I will drop dead of a MI before coming into the hospital with CP. Not a good attitude to have, but the world does not know how to handle stress.

I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell
I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And it's a sin, to live so well

People try to numb the pain. A fully functioning adult whose business went bust started drinking. A spouse being divorced swallows a bottle of pills. Cutting. Overeating. I see it all. They don't want to think, they want to feel good...

I wanna publish 'zines
And rage against machines
I wanna pierce my tongue
It doesn't hurt, it feels fine
The trivial sublime
I'd like to turn off time
And kill my mind
You kill my mind
Mind...

I might possibly have gotten cynical in my long nursing career of 18 months

Paranoia, paranoia
Everybody's comin' to get me
Just say you never met me
I'm runnin' underground with the moles
Diggin' holes
Hear the voices in my head
I swear to God it sounds like they're snoring
But if you're bored then you're boring
The agony and the irony, they're killing me, whoa!


So I hear pieces of this song as I come and go, and in the morning as I hang out with some of the night nurses waiting for days to finish report, I hear myself singing

I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell
I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And it's a sin to live this well

It fits so well. And yet it is so wrong, all at the same time.

I think I need to start listening to some new music at work.

Flagpole Sitta By Harvey Danger
Edited some due to the whole my mom reads this blog thing.
Video Here