an unfourtunate event

Have you ever had one of those moments where time stands still and in that moment you ask yourself "Did I really just do that?". The room closes in around and you realize in shock that yes, yes you did do that terrible thing you dread. You would rather be swallowed up into the floor than face the consequences of your actions.

Obviously I had one of those moments today.

It occurred at 10:50 am and in 3 seconds I was aware of the fact that I had stuck myself with a dirty needle. I was sick with shame and fear. I calmly threw away the offending sharp and ripped my gloves off. Blood pooled on the tip of my thumb as I walked over to the sink and scrubbed my thumb with soap and hot water. It's amazing how what little they taught me about needle sticks in nursing school, somehow floated to the forefront of my mind. I continued to wash my thumb for several minutes and squeezed blood out of the puncture wound. I slapped a 2x2 on it and sought out my charge nurse.

She calmly heard me out then proceeded to check me into room 17, take my vitals and helped me start the huge file of paperwork. I had a few minutes before the ED doc was going to come in and evaluate me so I went outside to get some air and call my mom. That's when the tears came. I wasn't exactly scared for myself (the patient was very low risk as far as possibly having HIV and Hep B or C), I was mostly furiously angry at myself. I could only imagine what everyone was thinking. "Newbie nurse should have been more careful". I felt so inadequate and stupid. My mom told me it would be ok and it was a good learning experience for me. This is true but I would have rather have learned this lesson some other way.

For the rest of my nursing career, I know I am going to be so cautious with sharps of any sort, especially 23 gauge butterfly straight stick needles. Even now I cringe thinking about what happened! How could I have done this! I know better! ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

My preceptor found me sniffling in the parking lot and assured me that she had been stuck several times with dirty needs and was even put on the anti-viral medications. So many healthcare workers have stuck themselves but it made them all better at their jobs. She said the risk for getting something was slim to none and to not worry, it would all end up ok. So I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and went back inside and down to the lab to have my baseline labs drawn and to get a urine drug screen (workman's comp you see). The patient consented to having his blood drawn for HIV testing, amoung other tests. The results to the rapid HIV test came back negative much to my relief.

I learned a valuable lesson today, one that I won't soon forget.